Beverly Daniel Tatum’s “Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria” was written over 20 years ago and yet - as I was reading it, I was stunned at the relevance of her work amidst our collective reawakening around racial injustice. The book is primarily focused on identity formation and how race, which is not typically acknowledged by researchers focused on identity, is deeply formative for people of color. When parents and teachers (or anyone that interacts with young people) are not mindful of how to appropriately address race with kids, pre-teens, and teenagers, it can have lifelong negative impacts.
Whether they are conscious of it or not, kids are internalizing how society views them. This feeds into an inner dialogue about who they “should be”. When we turn a blind eye to one’s ethnic identity, younger people of color can fall prey to synthesizing the many stereotypes about their race. These stereotypes can inadvertently form their identities in ways that can limit their ability to fully explore themselves as individuals and ultimately reach their true potential. In other words, young people can get stuck in the cycle of living out the false narratives that are associated with their race.
As an example, a common “story” about Black Americans is that they are good at sports but don’t excel in academics. A Black boy who hears these stories and is looking for acceptance and belonging may inadvertently focus less on school and over-index on his athletic performance because “that’s what Black people are supposed to do”.
Model Minority?
Growing up, I noticed that my teachers often had high standards for me — particularly in math and science. While this all seems perfectly innocuous, I now wonder if their encouragement was due to my actual academic performance or a result of their unconscious bias, which led them to believe that I would naturally attain good grades as an Asian American. I was placed in the awfully named “gifted and talented” programs at an early age. Being “smart” became (and still is) a core part of my identity. When my grades didn’t meet my expectations, I drowned in a cocktail of fear and self-doubt. I still wonder what my school years would have been like without the tyranny of personal, familial, and societal expectations for my academic performance.
My parents obtained their Ph.D.’s in Chemical Engineering at Amherst in the 70s. Compared to the average Taiwanese person, my parents were significantly more educated. In other words, they were “hyper selected” immigrants. The US government allowed people like my parents into this country if they possessed in-demand skills such as chemical engineering. They quickly attained higher incomes after moving to the US and while I’m at the risk of overgeneralizing, their quick transition into the middle class is at least partially attributed to their high status before they even arrived in this country. Even if I am objectively “smart”, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that much of my academic performance is the result of not only the emphasis my parents placed on education but also the privilege I was born into.
White Identity
Unlike people of color, according to the author, White people are often not aware of their “White Identity” simply because they are the majority culture in the US. When White people finally confront America’s racist history, the initial sense of shame they feel can quickly turn into denial and/or anger. It is crucial to not make blanket statements such as “all White people or racist” or point out all the racist actions committed by White Americans and just end the conversation there.
An often overlooked next step is to also highlight White people in history who were actively anti-racist and fought for the rights of people of color. It’s also helpful to enable them to regularly engage in discussions in a safe space with other White people. In fact, having White people process racism alongside BIPOC can actually be harmful as BIPOC may feel cornered into “teaching” White people and may not always be the most helpful guides due to longstanding feelings of resentment.
As an aside, I was struck by this Washington Post article highlighting the challenges White people can encounter when their community is filled predominantly with other White people. I personally believe it’s critical to highlight the path to an anti-racist society will be at best awkward and at worst isolating for some White people.
Talking to your kids about race and other “isms”
Kids notice race, among other things, at a very early age — much younger than most people think (as early as 2 or 3 years!). With that in mind, it is important to have conversations with your kids about race. One of my favorite parts of the book was when the author read “The Boxcar Children” with her son. As she was reading, Tatum was surprised to realize that the book actually contributed to sexist ideas (e.g., the girls always take care of the home while the boys go out hunting). She decided to point this out to her son so he can eventually develop his own radar for racism, sexism, etc. She also worked very hard to ensure that her son saw his own image reflected in the toys he played with.
I particularly appreciated a comment the author made about a parent who said that she didn’t want to talk to her kids about racism because she didn’t want to scare them. The author replied that this is essentially like not teaching your kids about looking both ways before crossing the street because it would make them too scared to cross the street. Sure, pointing out that cars can hit people can be scary, but parents would be doing a disservice to their kids by not equipping them with how to appropriately mitigate the risk of being hit by a car.
Hanging out with other people of your race can be deeply affirming
The chapter on Adolescent Development was particularly eye-opening. I’ve always felt a little sheepish that all of my best friends are Asian. (I’ll point out that White people don’t generally feel the sheepishness about having only White friends). I wondered if this meant that I’m socially awkward (I am). Tatum highlights that hanging out with others of the same racial group is not only not harmful but can actually help your child’s self-esteem. I appreciate that hanging out with other Asians, particularly second generations East Asians, means I don’t have to explain myself. This ranges from topics as mundane as taking off shoes before entering our home to deeper topics such as work as personal salvation. I realized that I cherish deep emotional and spiritual connection and I find it significantly easier to achieve that depth
Beverly Daniel Tatum’s work is incredibly moving and thought-provoking. Reading this book has gifted me with deeper empathy and understanding not only for Black Americans but also for my younger self. This book is required reading for those who want to better understand race’s impact on identity formation.
